Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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