coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
