so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
