how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
