I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
