yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
