We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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