Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
