Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
