i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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