it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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