1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
