Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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