yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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