thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
