My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
