Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
MIDGETS
????
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
