think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
