Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
