You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You pole danced in your parka.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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