Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
