I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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