I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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