So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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