I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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