Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
