I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
