Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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