i need an iv and a liver transplant
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
