Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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