You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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