I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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