I wannas sexs uuuuu
Fuck appropriateness.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
