That's intense
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
True college students do jello shots in the library
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
