my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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