you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
