you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
