Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
