Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
