6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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