I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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