Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
