Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
