god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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