you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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