I cockslap morals
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
