Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
