Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
