Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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