You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize