its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
