life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
