guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
