Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
