Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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