My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
