ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
