What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
