a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
