well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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