hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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