so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
