Dual....:-)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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