just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
a search helicopter?!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
