Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
