Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
