Someone shit on the floor
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
