She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
