Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
