And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
