I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
