idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
