good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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