Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
