Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
