ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
